“Birth is Scary!” | My Thoughts On Overcoming Birth Fears

If you've ever been pregnant before, you've probably been told some pretty traumatic birth stories. The stories often come unwarranted and prove discouraging; especially for first time moms. Don't get me wrong, all mothers, especially ones that have endured traumatic births, deserve to be able to talk about their experience. That being said, they should be mindful of what fears they might be unknowingly and unintentionally passing on to other people regarding birth.

Birth is an incredibly vulnerable and intimate time. How mothers process these moments will be ingrained in their minds forever. Just ask your grandmother about her births and you'll find that time does not extinguish these memories and feelings, whether they are good or bad (or most likely, a little bit of both.) The bigger issue regarding traumatic birth stories is not necessarily the trauma in and of themselves, but the "why" behind it, and how the mother goes about processing these things. It seems that oftentimes, birth trauma is unnecessary. While emergencies in birth can and do happen, the way in which providers care for the mother can truly make or break her entire experience and understanding of birth. This is completely understandable! I have no question as to why some mothers are so fearful of birth and all that it entails but I want to encourage these mothers, and truly all mothers, that you can feel empowered about your birth! Yes, anxiety is normal. It just means that you care a great deal about it, as you should! But being fearful will not help you, ever. Losing precious sleep (even more precious when pregnant!) over such things helps no one. So, what can you do?

A good way to combat fears surrounding birth is to educate yourself about physiological birth. Unfortunately, today's OBs don't always do the best job at this. Taking a natural childbirth class can give you a lot of information to consider and resources to look further into. Hiring a doula is another option for support during pregnancy and birth. But what I think can be of equal value is to ponder the things that you are truly afraid of. Is it the pain? Is it the "ring of fire"? Is it the length of your labor? Is it a c-section? Each of these things warrant anxiety, but they shouldn't be ignored! The best way to empower yourself despite these fears is to think deeply about why you are afraid of that particular thing. Consider how you will feel or react if or when that thing occurs. Will you be mentally prepared because you did all you could to understand and prevent it? Or will you shut down and close up? The latter is everything you don't want in labor! I hear time and time again of women that have not done adequate research and ended up with a birth that they did not feel supported in. Yes, choosing a provider that suits you is a huge component, but you have a responsibility as a mother to do this research and advocate for your desires as well!

Each birth experience is unique and should be respected. Every mother needs and wants different things during labor, and the majority of these things are most likely very reasonable and attainable. Every mother deserves to feel safe and cared for during labor and birth. This is why being diligent about hiring the right provider for you is so crucial. I have attended multiple births now where it seems some providers like to do a "bait and switch". They are seemingly supportive of the mother's desires for her labor and delivery, until the mother is actually in labor! Suddenly, mom's birth plan goes out the window in the name of convenience. This is not the way to empower women. A good provider will be aware of your desires and do their best to respect them in all circumstances, but you as the mother have to make those desires known in the first place. You can only confidently do that by being diligent to research and understand what you do and do not want for your birth experience.

I'd like to add that I do think sometimes we can idolize what an ideal birth might look like. Even for home births, it's not usually what you see in the aesthetically pleasing YouTube videos. It's not all twinkly lights, rest between contractions, and a gentle water birth. It is hard, purposeful work. And sometimes, even when we have the best of intentions and have been diligent in every area, things can change quickly and unexpectedly. It's important that we don't grip too tightly our "ideal birth", but rather prepare ourselves to be mentally resilient no matter the circumstance or outcome. As lovely and beautiful as the home birth videos on YouTube are, they can be misleading. They can make it seem like all you need to do to have a baby is stay home, turn the lights down, and have a supportive husband. Yes, birth has an inherent and perfect design and it generally does happen perfectly, even (or especially) without intervention, but birth requires understanding and surrender as well.

So, don't be fearful of birth. Empower yourself by understanding the process! It truly is a beautiful thing to experience.